He's a conjurer of fun on the fly.
He's a creator of unexpected magic.
He's a curious explorer.
But he’s not a planner- he's dyslexic.
I have been surrounded by creatives my entire life so I am not only accustomed to, but I am appreciative of, the unusual, creative brains of neurodivergents.
My brilliantly neurodivergent guy is my magic carpet ride. He teaches me to relax, let go, and stay open-minded to the unexpected creative potential of every day.
But on Valentine's Day, I had expectations.
I wanted what I wanted- the atmosphere, the food, the mood, the romance. I had an expectations. And on the busiest day of the year for restaurants, the kind of expectations that require planning.
Bouncing around Pike Place Market from restaurant to restaurant in the cold, without a reservation, scanning menus, finding options but dashing off again to explore new ones for an hour, disagreeing about where to go was not the experience I desired.
He saw it on my face: A disappointed woman.
For my brilliant guy, with his wild dyslexic brain, who grew up feeling grossly misunderstood and underappreciated, that is his worst nightmare.
And behind my face: A woman feeling like her desires were unimportant.
For me, brought up to dismiss my needs and desires for the sake of others, to be invisible, this was my worst nightmare.
We had a lovely time- about a third of the time. We did have the experience I desired- the atmosphere, the food, the mood, the romance- sweet moments sandwiched between feeling triggered and looking to the other to blame.
But so often we expect Valentine's Day to confirm the entire relationship and make up for the ways we have not felt loved and appreciated. And that heightened expectation so often daylight the reason we may have felt connected all year. And triggered our most core wounds.
What I love about us is how we have learned to be responsible for our own triggers and feelings. I’m not gonna lie to you- this took time. It wasn’t always pretty. Not by a long shot.
The Universe had a brilliant plan for us this Valentine’s Day,
just as it has for us all, every day:
The opportunity to learn more about ourselves and each other
What we love, desire, and what needs the balm of love, understanding and forgiveness.
The opportunity to bring our shadows out into the light of love.
And that is what we did for each other.
“I am sorry I messed up Valentine’s Day,” he said sorrowfully the next morning.
“I think it was a brilliant Valentine's Day,” I replied. “I understand you even more than I did before. And I feel understood by you.”
Everything serves us, always.
And when know that everything serves us, we co-create what we desire with the intelligence of God/Source/Universe.
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